I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
