Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
