It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
