he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
