I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
