so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
