who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
