Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
