Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
