I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
