At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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