Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
