What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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