Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
