What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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