why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
