go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
