Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize