did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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