Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
