if i died would you start the facebook group?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
