everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
