Your favorite bartender is back from prision
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
