Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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