The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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