She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
