On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
