just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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