omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
