Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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