Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
