Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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