i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
