why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
