My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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