Just fell off a train. Bad.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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