I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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