Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
