He told me they were just razor bumps!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
