I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
