I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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