just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
