Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
