My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
