very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
