i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just found a bag of teeth...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
