I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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