He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
did i walk over a car last night?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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