Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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