Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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