just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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