"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
