On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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