Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
