I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i've created a new STD.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
