Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
