That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
