so that wasnt chicken after all
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
