Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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