i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
