worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
