i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My ATM looks so different sober.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
