I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
